If you know that kids aren't in your future, don't string her along. If you know that you never want to be a parent, be honest.Heck, you may fall in love with the kid (in a parental way, not a Woody Allen way) and decide that the whole family package is perfect for you. You've got plenty of time to get used to her, to get to know the kid, and to grow into the idea (or not). If you're not ready to be a parent now, it's (probably) okay.The younger the kid is, the more true this is likely to be. Unless she's made it explicit that this is not the case, it's safe to say that child-rearing potential ranks high on her list of qualities for an ideal mate. She's likely shopping for a co-parent, not just a partner.This means you will have to deal with planning around recitals and soccer practice. And isn't this the way it should be? It may occasionally suck to be one-upped by an eight-year-old, but face it the kid was in her life before you were, and always will be in her life, no matter what happens with your relationship. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you embark on this chapter in your dating life. Like it or not, dating a woman who has a kid can be vastly different from dating a woman without one (or two, or three). Is it for you? Have you ever heard people say the things I quoted at the beginning of this post? How did you respond?
I dislike people who objectify women, but I would not favor a constitutional amendment that denied them the right to get married or prevented their partners from getting health care.Īnd this, dear readers, is why gay rights isn't "just another issue" for me. But this doesn't mean I think they deserve fewer rights than I do. I think some people make terrible choices or are cruel people. This doesn't mean that someone needs to think I'm awesome, or love my choices. For this reason, the answer to the prior question of whether this is a person with whom I can engage in rational debate is "no." If you don't see me as your equal in terms of the human rights I deserve, it's very, very difficult for me to think you're worthwhile to engage with about anything else. They do not see me and my life the same way they see themselves and their lives.
They do not believe that my full, real self is equal to their full, real self. To me, someone who does not believe in equal rights for gays and lesbians sees me (and/or my behavior) as subhuman. Does the person value me and consider me valid as a human? A central one is: are we equals? I am using "equals" in the sense of people who see each other as people, discussing and exchanging ideas-in the "all people are created equal" sense. To discuss issues with someone, I have prior questions. For example, if I ask, "What kind of cookies should we make?" I've already answered (or implied the answer to) the prior question of: "are we going to make cookies?" The crux of the problem is that for me, gay rights isn't "another issue," but a prior question-that is, a question that has to be answered before another one can be asked. But even if I didn't disagree with Romney on these issues, I'd have a hard time voting for him.
But why? Do I really think my right to get married is more important than homelessness, health care, or the economy? Geez, I don't think so. "Gay rights is just one issue I'm looking at the whole picture."Įach time I hear a statement like this, it irks me anew. "I don't agree with him on gay marriage, but overall, I agree with his values." "Sure, I'm for gay rights, but I'm voting for Romney."
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